Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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