The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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