I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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