It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
