i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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