Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
