She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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