you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
