I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
