Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
