when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
