9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
