how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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