but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
