another moral hangover. fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Alive.
So much puke
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
