Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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