I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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