dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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