Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
