i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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