i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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