the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
