pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
