it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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