I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
