I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think i got beer on your cat.
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