the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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