Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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