man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
