he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is the high leading the old right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
