I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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