dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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