You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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