I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
