so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
