i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
