moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
