Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize