His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The air taste purple.
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