Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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