last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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