Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
