There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
