thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
