I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
