those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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