He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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