Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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