I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
