new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
