he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
