I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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