We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
