A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
