How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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