You're so nebulous sometimes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
