im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i think my cat just said my name.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
