She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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