He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
