the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
