remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
