i think i have herpe
just one?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
