When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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