Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
