I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How's work?
Spinning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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