Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
