we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
