If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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