: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
