God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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