i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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